Nobody's creekbed

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The Anterior Insula and Hwy W

Friday, October 14, 2005

Oh, man, Slicko McButt! A life!

"Hey there, I tell you what!"

He pondered long ago on the real difference between the Sick Day, the Tired Day, the Vacation Day, the Exhausted Day, the Grievance Day and the Shakey Day, and he came to this conclusion: "Them is all the same to me!"

Slicko has pushed his "far too conservative" employee attendance policy to its extreme limit. He is "way, way out there, man."

"What have we got Sick Days for it ain't to be sick! I'm going to be sick."

He conjures up flu bugs, doctor appointments, brokedown cars, deaths in the family, acts of God--"Whatever it takes to get the job done!"

He is very good at using his "sicky voice" to call the office in the morning. He will say to whoever picks up the phone, "Uh hey there, I tell you what, I ain't going to be able to make it in today."

And they say, "Oh yeah, Slicko, we'll see you again soon! Hope you start feeling better!"

He starts feeling better the moment he hangs up the phone. He says, "Hot damn! That's work in and of itself. I need a break!"

Slicko McButt eats a leftover piece of birthday cake for breakfast, pours a cup of coffee, falls into his easy chair and fires up the internet.

Browsing, he happens along a headline in an online news site: "Sengelese Loner Works to Build Africa, His Way."

"Hey there," Slicko says, "I like that!"

Slicko McButt does not read the story itself, but that afternoon he will chat online under the moniker "Sengalese Loner."

"If only they knew," he thinks, quite pleased with himself, "If only they knew."