Nobody's creekbed

songs, prayers, poetry, stories, art, photographs, moving pictures, fondnesses, tall-tales and meditations

My Photo

The Anterior Insula and Hwy W

Friday, October 21, 2005

Top 6 Best Movies I Never Did
by Burt Reynolds

1) Spoede Road-- The lost Kubrick masterpiece. I don't know that history could've handled the pairing of Stanley and I. From the beginning, time and fate seemed to be against us on this project. You can read extensively about this project in my autobiograpy. Would've been awesome.

2) Big Dumb Country-- In this one, I'm rugged, hard-living and handsome Walt Jimson, the legendary demolition derby king of 1970's New Jersey. His family put the kibosh to this project while it was still in pre-production, after I'd slept with Lanie Jimson, his daughter. Shit. She wanted it, but you didn't hear me say that. All I gotta say: Demolition Derby, King, Me. What more can I say? Would've been awesome.

3 Hotflash-- In this one, I'm cocky, headstrong Joff Dillen, a Los Angeles dance choreographer who is also a heroin-addicted, but brilliant, bank robbery mastermind. I would've been around a bunch of hot young dancers (actresses trying to break into the entertainment industry playing dancers trying to break into the entertainment industry equals mucho sex for me. Hotflash indeed!) Would've been awesome.

4) Black French-- I'm a smooth-talking international assassin, The Rooster, but on this mission, which is supposed to be my last, everything goes wrong: I meet my match in love with a lady who talks smoother than I, and I cross paths with a homocidal maniac who has my number. I consider this movie one of the best six I never did because I would have almost certainly gotten to sleep with Ali McGraw, who had been slated to co-star. Now that would've been awesome.

5) The Hard Two Yards-- This was a really good biopic that just never got off the ground. In it, I would've been Sizemore Lannigan, a little known but fast-as-a-fucking-Japanese-train running back for the Mackerly Browncats of the south-Louisiana-based Tom's Extra Quick Stop Convenience Food and Liquor's Football Macro-League, Season 2, 1984. Would've been awesome.

6) Smokey and the Bandit Five-- Waiting on the script, brother. Waiting on the script. Skipping Four, going straight to Five. Iconic Rebirth. Conceptualized by Justin Stone (motel, glimpse) who is slated to write and direct. Look for it in late 2006 if Hollywood can get its head out of its ass.