Dear Anonymous Person On Internet Messageboard,
I apologize for being the worst actor in the worst movie in the worst life in the worst world in the worst universe in the worst blink of the worst god's worst eye in the worst ever worst ever ever worst ever.
Your invitation to "go die" is being taken into serious consideration, as is your follow-up invitation to "go die now."
I only wish I could have somehow consulted with you before the garishly accidental and unfortunate moment of my birth.
I await all of your forthcoming work with keen anticipation! In the twilight of this meager existence, I need you, more than you realize. You are, rather surprisingly, the twinkle in your mother's eye. You are the favorite dirty word of a thousand rotten sons.
Justin David Stone